His long-standing pattern of deception has convinced him that telling the truth is the most dangerous and damaging thing he could possibly do, and that lying and hiding is the safest path.
This is the exact opposite of what is actually true. Over and over at CRR , my team and I work with sex addicts and other unfaithful individuals who are convinced that telling the truth will end their relationship. We spend a great deal of time helping them see that it is not the truth but their behaviors that will end the relationship, including their continued dishonesty.
Telling the truth is not what ends relationships; it is the lying and the keeping of secrets that makes a relationship unsustainable for betrayed partners. Almost every relationship that I have watched end has terminated not because of the sexual behaviors, but because of ongoing secrets, manipulation, and deception. Betrayed partners cannot find any kind of safe emotional ground within the relationship if they are still being lied to, so eventually they give up and end the relationship.
Thus, we are back to the sticky, tricky issue discussed in the previous two posts: betrayed partners want and need full disclosure about the betrayal, but cheating partners are afraid and unwilling to tell the whole truth. And here is the cold, hard, very unwelcome fact that betrayed partners must face: you cannot make your significant other tell you the truth. Despite your right as a betrayed partner to know the full truth about what has happened in your relationship, despite your emotional and psychological need to receive full disclosure about the betrayal, despite the reality that honesty, truthfulness, and restored integrity are the only possible way forward in the relationship, you cannot make your cheating partner tell you the truth if he is unwilling to do so.
You must pray and learn to disassociate yourself with this man! Love the woman you are because apparently everything you have is worth loving. Go out for some drinks, take yourself on a date, go to a spa, exercise, and just have A LOT of me time. Meditate on things and get you life back. NO MAN will ever define the woman you are.
Be the light God created you to be for yourself and your family. With much love, Lisha. Waooo ur so awesome to have said this to her. I live the same life and i cry everyday too for the same bs..
I cry cause my youngest son says i deserved it and abuses me the same way. I know is not my son i really know is my husband manipulating him.
I miss my kids so bad the way they used to be. Iam scared of them but have no money or where to go i have no one and iam not aloud to leave the house neither. I been there where u where. Please you need to get away from him. Hello kader, thank you so much for ur advice i so much appreciate there was atleast one person out there that atleast knows something about what iam going through and yes ur right i need to start and finish this already.
I met a guy 12 years younger than me. He had nothing but that did not matter. He was helpful and was there for me. Before we got intimite we got tested n he was positive. I started seeing someone n I broke up with him. He threatened to commit suicide so I stayed with him.
But I cheated again with the same person. I was scared he would kill himself n also cause of his status. When I stopped seeing the guy I cheated with, I found out he had cheated on me. Used my airtime n my phones to communicate with this other girl.
There were several times when the condom broke n I had to take Arvs twice. He has told me he luved me. Spoke to my mom to be given a chance cause he luvs me. It has been 4 years of him lying about being in contact with the other girl. They have gone out. Even as we speak they are obviously communicating. I have blocked him n stopped contact n he will come to my house or speak to someone close to me for help. I have fought with him verbally n physically. I have asked him to leave me alone if he can not leave the other girl alone.
He asked for help, money, food n I always did. Now he stays in a better place with friends. They influence him. They go out with this chick n her friends. He disrespects me. They treat me like crap n this girl has known about me all along. She is young n beautiful.
N I am jealous as his friends r also friends of hers now. But I am the one who has helped them. They have seen my worse side figthing with him. He lies to me all the time. N when I shut him out he starts again. I am so hurt as I told him the truth when I cheated n I told him he should rather be with this other girl. He has punished me n used me for 4 years.
N always defends the other girl but does not want to leave me alone. I did wrong. I was scared n he wanted to kill himself n stayed. Now I regret staying with him. He shows of drives around. I sometimes c her. N she also disrespects me. I have gone for therapy but stopped, n the fact that while I was taking arvs because of him in 2 instances, he was having a good time with her.
I feel like I have lost soooo much time, money, my health. He abuses me mentally.. I even helped n still helped his family. I totally understand what your going through sweetheart.
I went through similar. Guys like that make me sick. You sound like a very caring sensitive person that goes out her way. Realize your worth much more than that and there many men that will make you feel so much better about yourself. Trust me when you find that person this one will be a thought and memory of the past. I know it can be such a hard decision. You have to push yourself even if it hurts. Praying for all of us women who live in pain, emotional distress, played on by lying men with low self esteem..
Hi Lauren my situation is similar. There was a lot of abuse, mostly verbal and emotional. All the same garbage from a man who lies, cheats and steals. The lies what bother me the most. I found out 6 months ago my husband of 13yr has been sleeping with different women from hookup sites. He started her marketing business for her and they also have a joint account, stocks and of course nothing is in his name even purchass things on a prepaid credit card.
This women builds her own software and showed him how to communicate through the computer, tablet and phone which he has a private 2nd line on his cell phone. I really need help, advice, some kind of direction. Do you respect your boyfriend, and do you respect yourself for being in a relationship with him? Thanks for your comment, and for encouraging us to leave men who lie, cheat, and steal! It is heartbreaking — but as you said, we only have one life that we know of.
Better to have short-term pain and long-term gain, rather than stay stuck and unhappy in a bad relationship.
I am an indian and married to a cheat, liar and thief as some of the friends here. As soon as I got to know that he is a liar, I lost my jewels, money, and a property.
I struggled for one and a half years after that and somehow with the help of my lawyer took most of it back and applied for divorce. He was not ready to leave me for his financial advantages over me. I loved him so much that it was like tearing a part of me off to leave him, but i did not think too much and divorced him. Be ready to leave the narcistic abusers and live a peaceful life.
It would definitely take a big risk and cost but do not forget that life is just once and live your life as your wish and not for anybody else. Very inspirational. You are very strong for doing that. Just recently I have found out my boyfriend has lied and manipulated me into lending him a couple thousand over time which he still owes. I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts. I was with my boyfriend for two years.
He lied and cheated the entire time. I refused to believe this. He had the best excuses and said he loved me every day. He would go shopping for girls on plenty of fish and friend them on Facebook. I was not allowed to be his friend on fb and he waived this away saying he spent all his non work time with me.
Said what we had was real and fb was merely entertainment. He would text and message constantly and even ignore me to do so. I loved him so deeply I chose to believe his lies that he was not cheating. By the time the evidence was so massive my self esteem didnt exist. A friend paid me a compliment and i nearly burst into tears. He treated me so badly that a tiny compliment had this profound affect. But he said he loved me… I find it very unsettling too that the other women he was with would lie and say they were only friends, so that they could remain his booty calls and of course they laughed at me behind my back.
I hated myself for wanting him and loving him and he strung me along with promises of our future. It was also enlightening to find that many of these bad partners we obsess over or who lie and cheat have narcissistic personality disorder. Mine did and pitty the next girl who loves him. The same thing happened to me after 4 years and he is not that young. Seems he never grew up.
Now I am going through withdrawal pains the same as someone in an addiction. I even started thinking I was no longer pretty trying to figure out what made all is the women on fb so special vs the one here accepting your lies and betrayl.
Altho I cut out sex and most communication. Thus is certainly not all his fought, I allowed it. I truly need to seek help. Omg this is exactly how I feel my self esteem is shot have no friends no one how can they be so low and lie so much to us. What should a man do if his women is cheating? I knew someone a good friend of mine he worked 12 hours a day to keep a roof over his head. She went to school so did their daughter. When she got home from school before she picked up her daughter she was dating a gentlemen on the side.
It was when a neighbor asked if they were having work done to their house as this guy drove a construction truck. He filed for divorce eventually as he knew that there would be so many complications with the courts if they were to do that. Hi, How can a man say he loves someone yet cheat on her?
They have children together and she will get angry, but take him back due to the economy excuse, still in love excuse, they have kids to raise, finanically a divorce would destroy the both of them. She thinks she would end up living in a tent and have to start her whole life from ground zero. How he wishes he could leave, but stays for the kids. But, he will have no problem posting ads behind her back, lying to people at work, friends, at church, to his own family.
He has destroyed multiple womens lives. He has no problem stealing money or lying to clients. If you are a strong, beautiful woman after dealing with him you can almost gurantee you will look dried up and disgusted with life.
Any comments? How can I help her? How can I get past the pain of her continuing to tolerate the BS? Any suggetsions? It takes time to gain the strength and courage to leave a man — even if he is a liar and cheater. This makes it difficult to break up with him.
And you may always love him. He is married with a son 20 years ago and still not divorced as a condition to me before I agreed to have relatioship. When I realized from my girl friend about money owed to her I was upset and tried to break off. I suspect he might has a relationship with my girl friend by the look that she was drastically depressed. The break out failed as he was mean and treatened me somehow.
I gave him a chance but never known 6 years ago he has a chinese girl friend with few kide age below 10 years old. He denied flat. I have been struggling emotionally and am depressed. I found out he treat me well cuz I help him financially but he denied today that he didnt owe me any cent. Nowe I am broke and down. No friend knows of this relationship as I am from a conservative family and upbringing. ALost self. I still want him, but i am doing my best not to initiate contact.
I was with the father of my four kids for sixteen years, He abrused me and made fun of me and allowed his family members to disrespect me ,He always seems to put his family members before he puts his children and I,It was soooo hard for me to leave him because of the love I had for him,I felt trapped and so so unhappy even thought about taking my on life,I was so disappointed in myself as a women to allow this man to disrespect me,The only good that came out of this relationship is our four children, they are the only ones that kept me from taking my own life.
I am married to a lying, cheating husband who is always after young girls. He spends his time on social networks lying and luring this poor innocent girls into his corner. Being a Christian woman this is weighing very hard on me in fact I am confused. The worst is that I am pregnant with our 2nd child. He pretends to be caring yet he treats me like bad. I do not have any suicidal thoughts but I would like to get him out of my life.
I am struggling with the how. I do not see any future for us. He has extreme narcissistic behaviour, how do I stop loving a man who lies cheats steals? Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Michelle January 8, at am. Amanda November 26, at pm. AMY February 7, at pm. Feh January 27, at am. Take care of yourself Reply. Winter Shepherd November 7, at pm. Luannerene May 9, at pm.
Coosh March 15, at am. Even women who had a previous sense that something was amiss with the relationship will experience discovery shock when their worst fears are confirmed. So, are you still surprised that your betrayed partner has responded with fear, anger, rage, and a variety of other strong emotions after learning about your infidelity?
Hopefully not. I promise it will help. He is the author of several highly regarded books. Currently, he is Senior Vice President of National Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health , creating and overseeing addiction and mental health treatment programs for more than a dozen high-end treatment facilities.
For more information please visit his website, robertweissmsw. News U. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism.
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